Hello, Beautiful Sharon,

"When you stop looking for what went wrong or is wrong and look for what went right and is right, not only will you feel better but you'll get more of what you want- to enjoy life and for life to go well for you."

The Joy Energy

For many years I looked for what my Mom did wrong.

I faulted her for some of the silliest of things, like, how she overcooked beef until it was stringy, as if cooking meat, in what I felt was the right way, was a requirement for being a good mom.  

Yeesh, I spent a lot of time feeling miserable, blaming her for my struggles or unhappiness, and along the way, I created habits of blame and judgment instead of love and appreciation.

When I began to look for and find the positive, it was such a relief. Loving her felt so much better. Focusing on the wrong felt heavy and exhausting. 

I began to remember good memories. Like the Thanksgiving meals, she had made growing up, which had taken her days to prepare. Memories of my delight with my purple smock with the bright colored flowers she'd sewed brought me appreciation.

From there I was able to shift my perspective, see her more softly, and not take things from my past so personally or seriously. 

I would say, most of us have grown up in cultures that have trained us to find fault.

Making a mistake or getting it wrong often becomes a judgment of right or wrong, instead of seen as a normal part of learning.

There is a pervasive belief that we need to blame and judge in order to protect ourselves and improve our lives. But it does the opposite.

Don't take my word for it, but look at your own life. When you thought of yourself as wrong, not good enough, or defective has that made you happier and a better learner?

What were the results when you spent a lot of time negatively judging another person, or an unwanted condition? Did you get the results you wanted, like a better relationship or an improved life?

For me, it made and does make everything worse. It makes me feel powerless and miserable. It can create a war zone within myself or with others.

And, yes, old patterns still crop up, and I fall into blame and judgment.

The sooner I catch myself and turn things around, the better things go for me and the happier I am.

And it is the same for my clients.

Like my alcoholic client who had many real reasons to fault their dad and mom.

But focusing on all the wrong wasn't serving them.

Like me, it brought misery and led them to feel like a victim.

In our hypnosis work together they got to a place of love for their parents. It was such a relief, they said, not to focus on all that mental junk.

This was one of the steps that the client said helped them break free of negative judgments toward themselves.

And one of the steps that allowed them, they said, to reclaim their life, break free of alcohol, and be able to enjoy life again.

"There is no greater gift than feeling good in the now moment.". 

Sharon

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