Hello, Beautiful, Sharon

"When you're coming from a place of blame, no matter how merited, true, or justified, you victimize yourself or others. Look for lighter, softer, and more joyful thoughts instead, it will feel good and positively transform your life."

The Joy Energy

If you've ever blamed others, yourself, or unwanted conditions, to explain why life isn't going well for you, welcome to the human race.

Me too.

But like me, you probably have evidence, long term, it doesn't work out well.

Maybe you vented at a parent and told them how they failed you, felt self-righteous towards a friend or partner, or railed against the government and all their failings.

Perhaps you felt temporary relief. Or maybe it made you feel worse and more aware of all the other ways others, yourself, or life has failed you.

In the long run, blaming will never bring that feeling of empowerment and joyful satisfaction. And it's ineffective long term for improving your life.

Blaming gives away your power and makes you a victim.

Many people spin their wheels staying stuck by looking for something new to blame again and again to get short-term relief.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't about staying in the problem or unwanted place by ignoring it. It's about doing what works and improves your life and makes you happier.

I have blamed my problems on my mom's perceived failings, my husband's perceived failings, my perceived failings, not having the right makeup or genes, bad luck, the poor economy, someone not supporting me or liking me, yikes the list goes on. 

Blaming is exhausting and takes away the focus of how I want to live- joyfully, abundantly, and freely. 

My victim/blame mentality led to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal ideation, health issues, like migraine headaches, asthma, and allergies, bad habits like binging on sugar and carbs, and it kept me apart from living the joyful abundant life I craved.

Focusing on thoughts instead, like appreciation, not only feels better, but has led me to inspired actions, allowed me to focus on where I want to go towards- solutions and answers, and allowed me to more joyfully live my life and accomplish more of my goals and dreams.

I used to think about my Mom from a negative perspective. And so I found lots of negative memories. It didn't bless my life. Or empower me. 

When I started to look for thoughts and perspectives that would feel good instead, over time I discovered many select positive memories.

The result, I felt good, opened up my heart to her, and was able to develop and enjoy an adult relationship with my mom. 


If you want to feel good more and blame less here is a process I use that might bless you

• Start with the intent to feel good because it feels good and makes your life work better
• Give yourself permission to vent but with the intent to feel better. 
• Meet the blaming thoughts with softness and love.
• Look for softer lighter thoughts

Don't judge the thoughts, give them more justification, or try to solve anything, just meet them like you might a child who melts into a comforting hug. Or like a child who cries it out in someones loving arms until the negative energy dissipates.

The more you practice just letting it be OK to have blaming thoughts and do your best to allow them and meet them with love the more quickly you'll find relief comes in or they dissipate altogether.

Then as you can, look for softer lighter thoughts. I might look to see things in a softer lighter perspective or look for thoughts of appreciation instead.


Example

A client came in with stress and blamed it on her in-laws

Client "I want to have a good time at my In-Laws for Christmas but everyone there is so negative ... the kids get overstimulated and fight, they never remember my food allergies so there is nothing I can eat ... and it's all so stressful ... They are awful people. They don't care about me at all ...  " 

Me "... how does that all make you feel?

Client "... unloved and stressed..."

Me "Is thinking about them in such a negative way, no matter how true, working out for you? And would you like to feel good instead?"

Client " No, it is draining ... yes, I want to feel good instead."

So I guided her through the process.

Client with guiding

"Thank you for sharing. That's OK you feel so mad at your in-laws. That's OK you feel so stressed. I totally love you."  

She felt a release.

From there she searched for lighter softer thoughts

"My in-laws have been very generous, they paid off my loan balance on our car and that was nice. I know they love their grandkids very much. I know my kids like to play with their cousins. I know they don't mean to starve me but just are used to cooking a certain way and don't understand how certain foods make me sick. I know there are a lot of things I don't get or understand."

She was feeling way better and we hadn't even done the magical process of hypnosis. 

From a feel-good state, you can think more clearly and creative ideas can flow. 

Ideas started to flow from her, maybe she'd eat ahead of time or bring dishes she could eat to share. Maybe she'd bring along a movie to play so the kids could take a break and have quiet time- and maybe she'd join them. And she jokingly said maybe her family would take a trip to the coast instead and celebrate things differently. 


Give it a try. It is so worth it. Redirecting to lighter softer thoughts can free up your energy to focus elsewhere. But like any skill it takes practice.

"There is no greater gift than feeling good in the now moment."

Sharon